


Mercy Pity Peace

by maybemalapert (laconicisms)



Series: A Floating Spar to Men That Sink [7]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: (I'm overthinking this show), (On 2nd thought: brilliant writerly decision bc Lucifer was being Dan & Dan don't pun - dun dun), 2x07 AU, Demon Ichor hot sauce, Dissociation, Emotional Whump, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Linda Is a Queen (And Should Probably Charge Double), Lucifer Tries His Best (And Is Mostly Successful), Maze Is a Good Friend (And a Terrifying Demon), Mental Breakdown, No Tea, One Terrible Pun (I'm sorry but the show writers really dropped the ball on this one), Stress, The Anthropomorphization of a Sex Swing, Torture of a Minor Character (Implied)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 12:53:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11829165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laconicisms/pseuds/maybemalapert
Summary: In which there is no rope bondage because the only rope Chloe has right now is the one at whose end she is. Meanwhile, Lucifer tries to find the instruction manual for humanity.





	Mercy Pity Peace

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from William Blake's "I heard an angel singing". 
> 
> All the love to geckoholic. ♥
> 
> Updates are going to be a hell of a lot slower from now on, I'm afraid. Real life has started to rear its ugly head. /o\

Tuesday morning, before she was set to go to work, Chloe rang and knocked on the door to Linda's home. She had resolved to look in on Linda after her shift was over, but thoughts of Jimmy Barnes smashing his head against a wall until he bled had kept her awake the night before. When she had finally managed to fall asleep, her rest had been fitful and plagued by nightmares of a dark house, the sound of rhythmic thumping echoing through it. And in the way of dreams, she'd known that it was Linda. Trixie had been there, crying for help, and Chloe had tried to get to there, but even though she'd been running she hadn't been able to leave the room she'd been in. When Chloe had woken, way before her alarm went off, she had been glad to give up on sleep. She'd shuffled into the kitchen area, feeling drained and yawning wide enough to split her face, and come face-to-face with the sight of Maze's sex swing, dangling happily from its hook and smugly daring her to protest.

She couldn't. She'd fallen asleep on Sunday night, despite her upright position, and had woken to Maze scowling down at her and Lucifer. The scowl had been for Lucifer, mostly, because Maze was upset that Linda had locked herself inside her office, after the session where Lucifer had revealed himself, and then screamed at Maze to go away when she'd come by in her search for him.

Chloe had, very cowardly, not revealed her own involvement in this.

"I'll talk to her," Chloe had found herself promising again and felt the weight of Maze's expectations settle on her shoulders and joining Lucifer's, who was also hoping that she could 'fix' his therapist somehow.

So, here she was, twenty-four hours later, having given the woman some time to process, showing up at Linda's place of residence like a creeper who knew where she lived thanks to a demonic informant.

Chloe knocked and waited.

"Who's there?" Linda's voice was thready, fragile. Afraid. Chloe swallowed. That really didn't sound good.

"It's Chloe."

The silence from the other side was deafening. "Are you alone?" Linda asked, at last.

"Yes," Chloe said, pursing her lips and frowning at the peephole. Why wasn't Linda looking through it? "It's just me."

More silence from the other side, then finally the sound of something being pulled away from the door -- a chair? -- and a key being turned. The door opened slowly.

"Hey," Chloe greeted in a low and soothing voice as Linda's face, drawn and pale, came into view. "May I come in?"

The therapist inhaled slowly and took a step back. Chloe took it as an invitation. 

As soon as she had crossed the threshold, Linda shut and locked the door behind her. Then she turned and leaned against it and just stared. The little lump of guilt inside of Chloe grew a little larger.

"He said that you know, but do you _know_ -know? That it's… that it's all _real_."

"Yeah," Chloe replied, nodding her head. "I do."

Linda kept staring, her pupils were blown as if she were still in a state of shock. Maybe she was. "You live with _a demon_." Her lower lip started to wobble. " _I_ have lived with a demon."

"Yeah," Chloe repeated. Maybe if she pretended that this was nothing extraordinary, Linda would calm down? "It's a bit trying sometimes, but it works so far."

"Trying," Linda repeated as if the word had no meaning or, rather, like the meaning didn't penetrate. Chloe tried not to squirm. "Do you have some kind of deal?" 

_A deal?_

Oh right. A deal with a demon.

"No," Chloe said, "she's just my roommate."

"Ah," Linda said, and then she went back to staring straight ahead, not really looking at Chloe. Not really looking at anything visible, Chloe thought. 

"Look," Chloe said. "I know this is a lot to take in. I mean, it took me weeks to wrap my head around it, and I'm still boggling at it sometimes. I won't ask you to put yourself in a situation that you deem dangerous, but… they're good people. And Maze misses you. She's been moping around the apartment since Sunday night. So." Yes, that was very convincing. Why was it easier to talk down a shooter than talk to someone she knew and considered a friend?

Because a shooter might just kill her while fucking up with a friend would break her heart, which was worse. Obviously.

She should really rethink her priorities. 

Linda still hadn't said anything. Chloe cleared her throat. "Well, if you have questions or, or something, you've got my number. Please call me. No matter when." She stepped closer to Linda and the door, but the therapist didn't move out of her way.

"Have you seen his face?"

"Yes." Chloe closed her eyes for a brief moment. Her shoulders had tightened at the reminder and she consciously tried to relax them. "Really makes me wish I could punch god. Or arrest him, at least."

Linda went bug-eyed. "What?" she sputtered, looking at Chloe as if she were insane. Well, maybe she was a bit. All powerful being, an arrest cell probably wouldn't hold him.

"I just. I can't even imagine doing that to anyone, let alone my own child."

Linda opened and closed her mouth several times, then shut her eyes and rubbed a hand over her face.

"Demons," she muttered.

Chloe hummed in reply.

"God," Linda added. "Angels. The-- the _devil._ "

"I know," Chloe soothed.

"How can you stand it?"

"It's a work in progress," she admitted.

Linda looked at her. "I don't know if I can." She waved a hand. "I don't know. I need time."

Chloe nodded. That was more than understandable even if it wasn't what she'd hoped for. "I'll let them know to give you some space."

Linda shot her a tremulous smile. "Thanks."

"What are friends for?" Chloe said, uncomfortably. 

\--

She hadn't even sat down at her desk when she got the call.

Lucifer came bouncing in just as she hung up. She absently noticed how he seemed to look better, behave more like himself, which was good. She didn't really trust it, though, and yet couldn't find it in herself to take a closer look, too caught up in the news that had just been delivered.

"Detective!"

"Yes?" she asked distractedly, sitting down in her chair and tapping her nails on the surface of her desk. There must be something she could do.

"Have you talked to Linda yet? Only she has just cancelled our session, and you said that you would." He was hovering over her, all 6 ft 3 of him filled with nervous energy.

"I did," Chloe said, clearing her throat and briefly wrenching her mind away from Joe Fields to keep her promise. "She said that she needs a bit more time."

"Oh." He deflated. Chloe, meanwhile, felt the tension in herself rise. She couldn't just sit here and do nothing. Or, well, not nothing, but she couldn't just work a case or do some paperwork as if everything was right with the world. "How is she?" Lucifer asked as she got up from the chair.

Damn. Double damn.

What could she say that wouldn't make him spiral back into self-blame and guilt?

"She's… processing," Chloe said, choosing her words carefully. "It's a lot to take in. Not just you. All of it. Heaven. Hell." 

Joe Fields. Out on leave for his granddaughter's christening. It was so unfair. With a growl of frustration, she grabbed her car keys and pushed past Lucifer.

"Oh, new case?" Lucifer asked from behind her. In two strides he had caught up. "Where are we headed?"

"No," Chloe said. "No new case." She bit her lip, slowing as she neared the entrance and coming to a stop just this side of the door. This wasn't the kind of thing Lucifer could be any help on. Joe Fields had already confessed, had already been put behind bars. There was nothing to be done.

_Yeah? Why are you on your way to the prison then?_

"What then? You're looking awfully ready to defenestrate an evildoer or two, Detective."

The keys bit into her palm. She relaxed her grip. Lucifer couldn't do anything, but she could use a friend.

Or at least someone who'd keep her from _defenestrating_ anyone.

Okay, Lucifer wasn't the right person for that.

"Hey, Chloe." Dan was suddenly in her face and she startled. She hadn't even noticed his approach. "Got you a soy latte, extra foam. You on your way out?"

"Yeah," she said, taking the paper cup while Lucifer made a noise of disgust that was probably directed at her ex. Or maybe at her choice of beverage.

Dan would be the right person to keep her from doing anything stupid, she thought, and then immediately decided that, no, Mr. Stealing-a-Gun-From-Evidence wouldn't either.

Actually, come to think of it, she wasn't friends with anyone who would stop her.

Well, okay, Linda would. Ella, too. _Probably._

Linda wasn't here, and Ella… used to steal cars.

"New case?" Dan asked, narrowing his eyes at Lucifer. Deliberately, Chloe did not look to see what her partner was doing.

"Mhm," she hummed noncommittally, coming to a decision. "Lucifer and I need to go."

"Sure," Dan replied. "See you."

Lucifer must have done something beside her because Dan scowled harder. She ignored the by-play, said her goodbyes to Dan and finally headed to her car, Lucifer at her side.

\--

Lucifer's eyes were burning. Literally. Chloe tore her gaze away from the hellfire reflected in them and back to the road ahead of her. Maybe this hadn't been a good idea, she thought, as her mind dredged up the memory of Lucifer's fist colliding with Paolucci's face.

What had he said? Something like, _I'm doing this because_ I _think you're an ass, not for the Detective._

Yeah, something like that.

"Don't do anything," she cautioned. Lucifer didn't reply. "Look, I don't have the strength to keep both of us in check. I need you to have my back here, not go behind it." 

"I wouldn't go behind your back," Lucifer grumbled.

"Don't strangle him in front of me, either." _I'm not sure I wouldn't just help you._

He huffed out a breath and shifted in his seat. "Fine." He sighed. "But if you change your mind, let me know. And if you want someone to hold him down while you--"

"Thank you," she interrupted sharply, hoping to shut him up. Her grip on the steering wheel tightened.

The inside of the car was quiet for a while. 

"I apologize, Detective." His voice was low, contrite. "It seems I am quite adept at saying and doing the wrong thing."

Her shoulders remained tense, but the death grip she had on the steering wheel dropped to a less lethal level of strength and more 'only strangling someone a little'. "Apology accepted. And don't think I don't appreciate it, but I'm kind of caught up in my own issues right now."

Lucifer cleared his throat. "So, is there anything I _can_ do for you?" he asked, and yes. Yes, there was.

"Be my friend," Chloe said, her tension finally easing. "And keep _me_ from doing something stupid." Then added under her breath, "Like defenestrating him."

He made some kind of unidentifiable noise. After a moment, Chloe realized it was a cut-off laugh.

"I can do that," he said.

She felt tired all of a sudden. She needed to not think about any of their problems for a while. "Also maybe distract me?" she asked. At least until they got to the prison.

There was a second's pause, in which Chloe realized her mistake. Or maybe not a mistake, exactly. At one point she seemed to have gone from finding his innuendo aggravating to being amused by it. "Oooh," Lucifer purred, shifting until he was sitting sideways. The belt was going to break his pelvis if-- Okay, he was unfastening it, not that that was any better. "I can definitely do that." 

Well, hell. She'd asked for a distraction. Might as well play along. "Oh no," she said, feeling like she was reading from a script. "Not that."

She chanced another quick look at him to see that Lucifer had narrowed his eyes at her. "Convincing," he muttered under his breath. She was sure she hadn't been meant to hear. "Well, since you're not actually in a position to do anything, how about I simply entertain you with a little fantasy?"

"Do you ever think of anything else?" she read the next line of dialogue.

"Rarely," Lucifer replied, sounding not at all lecherous as she'd expected him to. No, the tone was gentle. "So, first things first, it's early evening. You come by Lux and take the lift up to my penthouse. I'm preparing food in my kitchen while waiting for you."

She was probably going to regret asking, but, in for a penny, in for a pound. "What am I wearing in your little fantasy?"

"Hmm, you've just come off work, so perhaps what you're wearing right now."

Okay, she hadn't seen that one coming.

He cleared his throat. "In any case, I'll hand you a glass of wine. You sit down and watch. We talk. Perhaps you'll tell me a little bit more about yourself."

She snorted. "There's nothing to say about me. I'm really not that interesting."

"On the contrary," he said, "I find you very interesting."

"Because your mind voodoo doesn't work on me. And I make you mortal." Shit, that had come out a lot more hurt and accusatory than she'd meant it to. She hadn't even known that she was upset about that, apparently.

Lucifer was silent. She didn't dare look at him. "That was the initial attraction, yes," he said after a while. "I am, admittedly, easily bored. And yet, I'm still here. Even if you weren't immune to my charms and didn't have that little peculiarity, you are special, in your own right, Detective." She really wasn't, but she did chance a quick glance at him then before turning her attention back to the street. He was staring at her, a soft look on his face. Cliched or no, butterflies started swirling around in her stomach. "If all of humanity were like you, I could see why my father had become so obsessed with your kind."

That was… Chloe didn't know what to say. _Thanks_ seemed a bit meager. 

"You're pretty special yourself," she said finally, inwardly groaning at herself a moment after the words had come out of her mouth. 

"I know."

Now she did groan. They'd had a moment and, well, she'd started to ruin it already and then he put the nail in the coffin. "And pretty full of yourself," she grumped.

"I wish. Anatomically, it's quite impossible, much to my chagrin."

The mental images were horrifying. "Please, no more."

He chuckled. "Well, since you're begging so nicely."

What the. "Okay," Chloe said, subconsciously raising her index finger and pointing at him. "First of all, I didn't beg. Second of all, if anyone ends up begging here, it's going to be you."

Just maybe not soon. Or, better said, maybe not because of any kind of impact play. She'd somehow lost her taste for it a little, big surprise, and until she felt less like hurling her flogger across the room every time she saw it, she'd stick with doing other things.

"Promises, promises," Lucifer said.  
.  
\--

In retrospect, she needn't have worried about being tempted to empty her clip into the face of her father's murderer. Because when he had grinned at her -- smug, so smug -- she'd frozen, her breath caught in her throat, her mind unable to process.

And then he was inside the van, and she could move again, and she had to fight to keep the coffee down and not throw up all over the warden's shoes.

Lucifer's hand was tight on her arm. It hurt a little, brought her back to herself some more.

"Thank you for your time, warden," she said on autopilot.

Deputy Warden Smith nodded at her. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry, Detective." He'd said so already, several times. Didn't change anything.

She and Lucifer left the prison grounds proper and walked to her car. By all rights, this was it. She should get in, drive to the precinct, let it go. She couldn't though. Besides, that was not the face of a man who planned to duck his head and shuffle back into a cell once his leave was over. 

"Buckle up," she said, following her own order before turning the key in the ignition. "This isn't over."

"What do you mean to do, Detective?" he asked as he fastened his belt. 

"I don't know," she said. "Just follow for the moment." Maybe stop him when -- not if -- he tried to escape. And if he didn't stop running and freeze when she told him to, she'd be within her rights to shoot him.

_Are you even listening to yourself?_

She was strangling the steering wheel again. Chloe tried to relax her grip as she followed the vehicle at an appropriate distance. 

"You seem to be dealing extraordinary well," Lucifer commented and that was so ridiculous she let out a short bark of laughter.

"I'm following a prisoner transport, which I have no business doing," she said. What was she even thinking. The kind of questions that would be raised if she shot her father's killer even if he were running…. 

"No, not that. The whole Me Thing," Lucifer explained. "My family. All of it."

Another distraction? If it was, it wasn't one that would calm her. But maybe it would stop her contemplating ways to get away with murder. "Well," she said, not really wanting to get into how his revelation had shifted her whole world view. She could only deal with so many things at once. "Swearing has become a bit more awkward." The prisoner transport turned left and so did she.

"I appreciate you not bringing him up every few seconds," Lucifer said.

"It's not just that," she replied, keeping her eyes trained on the van. The traffic was getting heavier. "I just don't know how it works? Do I, like, light a signal fire every time I say -- or think -- his name, or what?" 

"In a sense," Lucifer said. "But don't worry; he almost never actually replies."

"Oh great," she grumped, coming to a halt at a traffic light. The van had made the green light, so she kept her gaze on where it was heading. 

She suddenly remembered a thought she'd had a while back. "So, does that work with angels, too?"

The light went green, but the car before her took a moment to move. She almost growled and considered honking, but that would attract attention.

"Yes," Lucifer said slowly as she finally got to hit the gas. "Though you'll need to pray. None of us are omniscient." The van was out of sight, but she knew the direction it was headed in. "Please, tell me you don't actually want to talk to any of my siblings."

"No," she replied absently, turning right at the next intersection. This area was less populated and she drove a little above the speed limit to catch up.

"Ah, good. Because let me reassure you, I'm the fun one. The others are all stick in the muds and not even an eighth as handsome."

Chloe slowed the car before she went around the next corner and was unexpectedly met with the sight of the van.

Its doors were open.

_He escaped. He's running. He escaped. He's running._ Round and round the thought went in her head, chased by the fast beat of her heart. And on the heels of that, something far uglier. _I might get my chance._

Chloe killed the engine and opened the door. "Stay here," she said, knowing full well that he wouldn't. He was by her side before she had even completely drawn her gun, but at least he was at her side and not skipping ahead. She pushed him slightly behind her and cautiously approached the vehicle. 

The two men in front were slumped over the headboard. "Check for a pulse," she said, keeping an eye on their surroundings. Unsurprisingly, considering the headshots, Lucifer reported that there was none to be found. She edged toward the back, her own pulse going a mile a minute, and whirled around the corner, going low.

No one shot at her. There was no one to shoot at her, she realized, eyes landing on the body of Joe Fields.

"Well, that's him taken care of." Lucifer said, appearing at her shoulder as she straightened. Startled, she almost put an elbow into his face.

"Shit, don't do that." She stepped back, let her gaze sweep around. If all of them were dead… well, someone must have done it. "The killer might still be around."

"Oh, right. Did you want to thank him?"

" _What?_ " She almost turned back to face him, but her training kicked in in time.

"He avenged your father. Or, oh! Are you angry because he took your rightful vengeance from you?"

There was no one, neither on the ground nor on the rooftops. Chloe finally lowered her gun and twisted around to stare at Lucifer.

"No," she said after a pause. "I'm angry because two good people are dead. And I--" _wanted to kill him myself, you're right_ \-- "need to call this in." She pulled out her phone to place the call, ignoring Lucifer's frown.

More than angry, though, she was upset, at herself. Three men were dead, and she was only thinking about how she would look like the guilty party and how she didn't even get the satisfaction of doing it herself.

_I'm better than this,_ she thought. _I should be better than this._

Her dad, if he… if he knew -- was he in heaven? Surely he must be -- he'd be so ashamed of her now.

\--

"You think that having your partner on the case will look kosher?" Dan asked, straightening up from where he was slumped against the wall in the interrogation room. They'd been in here over an hour while she and Lucifer went over what happened, again and again. Technically, they shouldn't be in the same room, and technically Dan was right, but. But she wanted this solved and if she couldn't do it herself, she wanted her partner in on it.

Chloe fought the urge to cross her arms and leaned forward to rest her elbows on the table. Being on the other side of the interrogation had her ill at ease even if the only other people in the room where Dan and Lucifer, who was sitting across from her. Which was also not according to protocol, but Dan hadn't protested. Much. "It'll look about as _kosher_ as my ex being on the case." She sighed. "I'd really appreciate it, Dan."

"Oh, fine," Dan grumbled. He turned to Lucifer who'd been mostly quiet ever since his comment about what she should be feeling about these events and her less than happy reaction. "You're gonna do exactly as I say. No funny business."

"My business isn't funny. Pleasurable, yes. Steaming hot, as well. And--" Well, mostly quiet when it came to his interactions with Chloe.

"Lucifer," Chloe said.

He visibly deflated. "I'll be as well-behaved as I know how."

"That's all I ask."

He leaned across the table suddenly, catching her hand. "Detective Dou-- Dan and I won't rest until we catch the killer." 

The urge to kiss him overcame her, and she pushed it down. "Thank you," she said instead, squeezing his hand. He smiled at her, his cheeks dimpling. It hit her how different he looked to when she first met him. The grins he'd shot her then hadn't looked genuine in the least.

"Oh, oops. I can come back later." Ella's voice interrupted them.

Chloe drew back and he let go of her hand. "No, no. It's fine. What have you got?" She shouldn't really have asked, what with being off the case, but no one said anything.

Ella was rocking back and forth on her feet. "So, I went through the prints from the van, and get this. All of them cleared as prison personnel. Except for one set, which belongs to -- drumroll -- Rodney Lam." She looked at them expectantly.

"Are we supposed to have heard of this gentleman?" Lucifer asked.

"Noooo, I just hoped someone would ask, because. Get. This: Rodney Lam served time with Joe Fields."

"And let me guess," Lucifer said. "He's on the lam." 

"Out, actually. All legal," Ella supplied.

Dan took the file from Ella's hand, frowning down at it. "Looks like he's our guy." He looked at Chloe, at Lucifer, and then back to Chloe. "We'll get you the answers. I promise."

"Thanks," Chloe said.

\--

It turned out to be a lot more complicated and nerve-wrecking than anticipated. Well, she'd expected the emotional roller coaster, Chloe thought, standing at the kitchen counter Thursday afternoon, surrounded by the giant pile of files that comprised the work her father had done during the six months before his death and clutching the list of prints from the van. She just hadn't expected that to include Joe Field's daughter showing up at her house with a gun and threatening to shoot her. Nor the video that proved that Joe Fields was innocent. Or that, according to Lucifer and Dan, so was Rodney Lam. Or that the Russian mob was involved somehow. 

That her dad, who'd been a beat cop, just a normal beat cop, had stumbled across something he wasn't supposed to and had been killed for it.

Every new turn just seemed designed to tear her apart a little more, leave her more shaky, wear away at the foundations of her life. Because the person responsible, the man who had killed her father, either by his own hands or a proxy, was Deputy Warden Perry Smith. Another person who, like Malcolm, should have been upholding the law and instead went after the people on his own side.

There was, she thought, something deeply ironic about her almost dying for the same reason her father had died.

\--

If she'd felt like throwing up when Joe Fields smiled at her -- at Smith -- it was nothing to how sick and awful and worthless she felt when she _let her father's murderer get away_.

"I feel like a failure," she mumbled as she and Lucifer were walking to her apartment door. Lucifer's hand on her arm stopped her. 

"You're nothing of the sort." His eyes were so earnest and so dark. She thought she might fall into them. Was that what everyone else felt when he used his mind mojo? "You finally know who the real killer is, Detective. It seems to me that justice is in your sight." Or maybe it was that they wanted to believe whatever he told them. Chloe certainly did.

When Joe Fields had been convicted, she hadn't been a police officer. She'd been a grieving daughter, helpless to change anything, damned to simply watch the trial happen. A trial that had sent an innocent man to prison. And Lucifer was right. It wasn't the end, and this time, she could actually _do_ something.

"You're right," she said, grabbing hold of that small thread of anger that she carried with her at all times and pulling on it until it covered the hopelessness, shame and resignation like a thick layer. "I put out a BOLO. FBI and DHS are looking at airports, border crossings." 

"Well," Lucifer said, "I still don't know what that means, but it sounds good."

"It means I'm gonna get this son of a bitch and shove justice down his throat until he chokes on it," she said.

"That's my detective," he murmured, his eyes glinting. Triumphant, she thought, that he'd managed to pull her out of her funk yet again.

The sudden urge to kiss him came over her so strongly she was leaning into him before the thought was even formed. This time there was no one around to see, they weren't in the precinct, and there was nothing stopping her from giving into it. 

The small noise of surprise Lucifer made as she crushed her lips against his made her heart speed up, had heat curling inside her, and she wanted more of it. Wanted to crawl inside him, wanted him all around her. Wanted to forget these past couple of days, and just--

There was a thump from inside her apartment, and then some loud groaning. Chloe tore herself away and whirled around, heart pounding for an entirely different reason. She gestured at Lucifer to be quiet as she drew her gun, but made the mistake of casting a quick glance back. His lips were wet. He was staring at her with heat in his eyes.

She couldn't think of that now.

Chloe took the last handful of steps to her door silently, Lucifer at her heels.

"Oh, shut up," came Maze's voice.

For fuck's sake.

The tension left her shoulders, and she lowered her gun and leaned against the door jamb.

"Well, it sounds like someone's having fun."

"Great," Chloe grumbled, x-rated images of what she'd almost walked into dancing before her eyes. 

"Knowing Maze this might take a while," Lucifer said. "Why don't you come to Lux? We could--"

"No way. Get in here already!" Maze shouted from inside their apartment.

"Not interested!" Chloe shouted back. Lucifer's suggestion sounded great. Maybe they could pick up where they left off. 

She was just about to reholster her gun when the door was yanked open.

"I got you a present," Maze snapped, grabbing her arm and pulling her inside.

"I told you," Chloe snapped back, yanking her arm back. "I'm not--"

She froze, eyes caught on the sight in front of her. Behind her, Lucifer began to chuckle. 

"How?" Chloe asked, staring at Deputy Warden Perry Smith all tied up -- or taped down -- in one of their kitchen chairs. He was gagged as well, which explained the moans from earlier.

Maze shrugged. "I was bored, so I tracked down the scumbag myself." She leaned closer. "It just… felt right."

Smith's gaze locked onto hers. He was sweating, she noticed. Nervous. Afraid. Chloe's hand tightened on her gun. She swallowed. "I'm… gonna go call this in."

"What? No, hold on, Detective," Lucifer interrupted. "You have a choice to make here."

"Yes," Maze hissed into Chloe's ear. Her breath made the few hairs that had escaped Chloe's bun move. "So. Much. Punishment."

Lucifer took up the position to her other side, pushing Maze's swing out of the way. "Order off the menu for once. Maze and I won't judge."

The weight of her gun dragged at her fingers. It bit into her skin.

Tempting.

Hell, it was so tempting.

Smith's eyes were wide, his breathing fast and shallow. He was scared. Scared of her, of what she would do. 

She didn't want him scared.

She wanted him _terrified_.

Chloe raised her gun, sighted down on her father's killer, while the devil stood to her right and a demon to her left, both not so silently encouraging. 

Smith made a high-pitched noise behind the gag. A plea, maybe. For mercy, or pity, she didn't know. Didn't care. All she could think about was how he'd killed her dad and then he'd stood there, less than 48 hours ago, and offered her words of comfort as she watched the man she thought was the killer climb into the van.

_Comfort._

He deserved to be punished.

She began to shake, felt sick again. He deserved it. He _deserved_ it.

"Tell me he's going to hell," she gasped.

He deserved every bit of it, and it _wasn't her place_.

"Well, yes. Of course, he is."

"Okay." She couldn't get enough air. "Okay."

Chloe lowered the gun, made herself lower her gun, even as a voice inside her screamed that she had every right. That it _was_ right.

Someone sighed. 

She hoped her dad hadn't seen this from wherever he was.

"It might take a while for him to get there," Lucifer said.

"Yeah," she said, voice breathy. She felt dizzy and like she'd just avoided being dragged under by a sneaker wave. One tiny step away from having done something unforgivable. She licked her lips. "But until then he's a warden in prison and none of the inmates will be happy to see him." Detached, she watched as Smith turned impossibly paler.

Something was buzzing in her ears.

"You know, _I_ could give'im a little taste of hell if you're squeamish," Maze said. "Got my knives right here."

Chloe tilted her head towards her. Slowly, like molasses, the thought came that Maze had been torturing people in hell nearly all her life.

"That won't be necessary," Chloe said, after a moment, "but thank you for the offer." There was something else she was supposed to say. "And for catching him."

Maze looked back at her. "So I did good, yeah?" she asked, teeth biting into her lower lip. "As a friend?"

"Yes," Chloe said, nodding, and this, too, felt slow.

Maze's teeth were really white. Sharklike. She was smiling. Chloe tore her eyes away from the sight. She had to… do something. If only she could remember what it was. 

She turned back to find Maze cleaning her fingernails with a knife while Smith stared wide-eyed.

Lucifer was going through her kitchen cabinets. When had he moved?

He turned around. "No wine?"

"What?"

"Where do you keep your booze, Detective?"

"She has none. And you're not touching my stash."

Lucifer made a face. "That won't do."

"Sorry?" Chloe said. Lucifer tilted his head, frowned. 

"Perhaps you should sit down. You're looking a bit peaky."

She nodded. Then shook her head. She didn't want to sit. But her feet hurt, sitting sounded like something she should do.

Also, she still needed to… she still needed to. Something. Clean up? But she felt exhausted. Maybe she should just rest. For a bit. 

Chloe walked to her room. The door loomed, whiter and larger than it normally did. Her hand on the handle felt larger, too. Swollen. Big. Inside she went, closing the door. She needed a minute. To herself. The bed was there, too far. It felt like she'd been running. She was heaving breaths. One, and one, and one. Faster, faster. She needed to sit, she thought, sliding down the wall till the floor held her up. Sit and rest.

Just for a minute.

\--

"Detective?"

"Detective?"

"I can't. I can't. I can't." She was whispering. The words squeezed her chest. Closed up her throat. Pressed out of her mouth. 

"What can't you do, Detective?" 

A shadow over her, blocking the light from above. A hand on her left shoulder. "I can't," she repeated. Another hand on her right.

"Chloe."

"I can't!" she told him, desperate. "I can't."

"Chloe. Look at me."

She was shaking. She couldn't. She _couldn't_.

_"What did you do?"_

"Nothing! She was like this when I came in."

Another shadow above her. Their voices were loud. "I can't," she gasped.

"You said so already, Detective. You can stop saying it."

"What can't she do?"

"I don't know. She's not saying anything else!"

"Fix her!" The shadow said, loudly, into her ear.

She couldn't. Couldn't breathe. Couldn't do this. _Couldn't._

"How? It's not like humans come with an instruction manual! What am I supposed to do? _Google it?_ " 

"She's upset or something. Do the comfort thing."

The hands left her shoulders. 

"Right. The comfort. Thing."

An arm went around her. Pressed against her back until her cheek met warmth, softness. 

She recognized his scent.

"I can't," she said once more, whispering, whispering, voice muffled.

"I know, Detective," Lucifer murmured back. Pressure on her head. Her back. "Whatever it is, you don't need to. Let Maze and myself handle it."

"I can't," she repeated.

Pressure at her side, downwards. Over and over. "You can. We'll handle it."

She shook her head; cheek, nose dragging over the fabric.

"You have the devil on your side, Detective. It will be fine."

She bit her lip. She wanted to vanish. The words clawed at her tongue. Why couldn't she just vanish?

Lucifer hummed. "Good. That's good." 

It wasn't good.

"You'll be fine."

Nothing was fine.

"Is silent better or worse?" Maze. That was Maze.

"How would I know?"

Chloe didn't know either.

A loud crash, and Chloe drew in a sharp breath. Maze swore. "I'll take care of it."

Lucifer's reply rumbled in her ear. "No funsies, Maze." He was running his hand down Chloe’s left side, over and over again. Like petting a pet. "Well, don't leave any marks."

"Ugh, fine."

"And try to keep the noise down."

There was silence. Chloe noticed that she was gulping in air as if she'd die otherwise. A door closed.

Chloe concentrated on her breathing. He smelled good. And was warm. She was tugged into him. Hadn't she wanted that? His chin was resting on her head.

They sat for a while. There were some noises from beyond her bedroom door. Chloe ignored them. Silent was better.

"And how do I know if she's devastated?" Lucifer suddenly grumbled. 

Was she? She couldn't tell. She didn't really feel anything except a constant tension, not so much fear as a low-level dread. Dreading that she would fail _everything_.

"They're all suggesting tea. Do you even like tea, Detective?"

She didn't really feel like answering. Lucifer didn't seem to expect her to. "And it appears booze would have been a bad idea. 'Depressant,' really?" He sighed; his chest moved against her cheek. "Hugging. I'm already doing that."

Another cut-off noise from outside. Chloe suddenly remembered that she'd meant to make a phonecall. The thought seemed very far away.

"'A comforting voice to listen to.' Is it? Well, you don't seem to be complaining."

She wasn't going to. He had a nice voice. And Chloe didn't want to talk.

"I'll just keep on prattling then, shall I?" He was quiet for a few seconds. "Ooh, this one suggests sex. Nice. But I don't think you're up to it, are you, Detective?" He didn't wait for her to respond. "And I can't make you dinner and hold you at the same time. That seems rather contradictory."

She should call it in, though. But she didn't want to talk. That seemed like such a colossal effort.

"And here's a list of what not to do. No unsolicited advice, no telling you that I know how you feel. Considering I don't know what you're feeling, that won't prove to be much of a problem." Lucifer snorted. "I wasn't going to tell you to pray anyway. Or to do a juice fast. How do you even come up with such nonsense?"

He continued, and Chloe listened.

In the common area, Maze began to cackle. 

She didn't want to find a corpse in her apartment.

That would… that would be the last straw.

Chloe tried to find some motivation to talk. Corpse, she thought. Corpse in the common area. That was worse than the sex swing.

"Can you call this in?" she mumbled in-between Lucifer's words.

He stopped petting her. And monologuing. "Detective?"

"The warden," she said. "Before Maze kills him."

"I… Of course. And Maze won't kill him." His hand started moving again. "Just hurt him a little."

Lucifer placed the call. Chloe realized that her coworkers would show up before long and that this meant she'd have to get up from the floor.

And then talk to them, answer questions.

Pretend to be a fully functional human being and not… this.

Hell.

Couldn't she just fall asleep and wake up when this was over?

Lucifer ended the call. "Are you feeling better, Detective?"

Embarrassment crept into her. Slowly at first, and then a whole freaking wave of it crashed into her, making her cheeks flame. Lucifer's arms around her no longer felt comforting. Instead they made her feel ashamed. What the hell was she doing, sitting on the floor and hiding like a child. She'd fucking _lost it_. For a moment, Chloe was torn between wanting to borrow further into Lucifer's chest and wanting to get away. Pretending this, this thing she'd just done, hadn't happened.

The desire to get away won out.

Chloe struggled out of Lucifer's embrace. Tried to stand and almost fell as needles prickled along her skin from when her legs had fallen asleep. Having risen himself, Lucifer steadied her with a hand on her arm. She twisted away from him, stumbling and only catching herself at the last second.

"Detective--"

"I'm fine," she said. Snapped, really. Winced right after. It was herself she was angry at, not him. 

"Far be it from me to doubt your word," he said, walking around her so he could look her in the eyes. Her cheeks burned brighter, and she turned her head away. She needed to get her shit together and deal with her life like an adult. "But I really don't think this is the case."

She opened her mouth, but the words refused to come. 

He wasn't _wrong_. She wasn't fine. Hell, she was so far from fine, she'd apparently had a nervous breakdown, and Lucifer -- and Maze -- had seen it.

Chloe wasn't exactly praying for a hole to open up beneath her feet and swallow her, but she wouldn't be unhappy about it either.

She blew out a deep breath. "I have to be." 

"Detective," Lucifer said, taking a step towards her and holding out his hands. She backed away a step and her knees hit the edge of her bed. "You helped me when I wasn't… fine." Her mind flashed to Sunday night, to _"I stepped off the balcony,"_ and yeah, he hadn't been fine. He'd been… possibly at the lowest point in his life, and right then he'd come to her and showed her his vulnerable side. 

He'd trusted her with himself.

"Detective." Lucifer took another a step closer to her, and she held up a hand. He stopped immediately. She wasn't afraid of him, but she could feel a chasm yawning in her mind where she'd begun to shove everything, _everything_ , and if he hugged her or held her again she knew she'd embarrass herself even more by breaking down completely. "Let me return the favour."

More completely than she'd already done.

Chloe trusted him, but her coworkers were about to show up, and she couldn't be seen as anything but tough as nails, not when there were still cops in the precinct who snubbed her even though Malcolm had been shown to be a bad egg. Cops stuck together, and some believed that you didn't shit where you ate, no matter what.

Like Lucifer had said way back when, no one liked a snitch.

Besides, it was one thing to break down in front of Lucifer; quite another to do it before anyone else.

"I can't," she said. "I'll have to give a statement. I can't be hiding in my room like a child." 

"Let me take care of it. I didn't mention that you were here, Detective."

"No. Smith knows. He'll--"

"Won't say a word because he's about to be very grateful that I'm saving him from Maze's tender mercies."

Chloe closed her eyes briefly and shook her head. "I want this done by the book, as much as possible." As much as it was still in the realm of possibility. A good lawyer -- no, any lawyer -- would already be having a field day with whatever Maze was doing to Smith at the moment. "I can handle this."

Lucifer stared at her, examining her face as if he were searching for… what? Her resolve? Strength? 

More like searching for the lie she was hoping would turn into a truth.

She'd just have to cope. (She couldn't.)

"Very well," he said finally, "but after your colleagues are gone, we will, ah, have a cup of tea." He made a face, and Chloe thought that it was a), a bit ridiculous, and b), kind of sweet that he'd Googled… something, so he could be there for her. "And I'll make you dinner," he added.

"Dinner I'll agree to," she finally said, though she didn't really feel like eating. "But let's skip the tea."

He shot her a small grin. "Gladly."

\--

Chloe was staring at the empty bottle of _Demon Ichor_ hot sauce she'd pulled from the trash and wondering not only when she had acquired such a thing but also where the contents had gone. Well no. Not really wondering about that part. She had a teeny-tiny inkling that Deputy Warden Smith had gotten his first taste of hell yesterday, literally, but she couldn't prove it because she'd been in the bathroom, freshening up, and by the time she'd psyched herself up to return to the living room, Maze had been leaning against the counter, sulking, and Lucifer had been standing in front of Smith and gazing into his eyes.

She'd attributed Smith's sweating to Lucifer's peculiar effect on people since she hadn't actually seen any sign of injury on him, but.

_'Screaming Demon. Unleash pure evil.'_

_'Transform all your foods into a hellish experience.'_

_'2,000,000 Scovilles.'_

_'Keep away from children.'_

Two million Scovilles would also do that.

The doorbell rang. She blinked. Lucifer had promised to return once he'd been to Lux to get a change of clothing, but even considering his daredevil driving style, it was unlikely to be him.

She'd left her gun in the bedroom where she'd put in on the nightstand while changing into a pair of PJs that were comfortable rather than seductive. She really hadn't been up for anything even vaguely sexual the night before, too exhausted, mind too blank, and Lucifer hadn't pushed either. Or even hinted at it.

Worried, about her.

The doorbell rang a second time, followed by a knock. A policeman's knock.

Dan.

Oh shit, Trixie. She'd promised to drive her to school today because she'd taken the day off to, ostensibly, deal with the whole Smith mess. The lieutenant had been very understanding, and taking personal time was better than having a crying fit in the precinct which she wasn't sure she could keep herself from doing. 

Chloe hurried to the door. 

"Hey," Dan said as Trixie streaked inside, dropped her overnight bag along the way and immediately jumped on Maze's Definitely Not a Sex Swing swing. As far as Trixie was concerned, Chloe had explained to the demon, this was just a normal swing. 

Compromise. Maze got to keep her swing; Chloe got to keep Trixie from mentioning BDSM equipment at school; and any potential babysitter would just have to deal. Everybody won, sort of, except Chloe's sanity, but that had taken a leave yesterday, anyway.

"Mommy, can you push me?"

"A moment, monkey," she called, trying to sound vaguely cheerful and, above all, normal.

Dan was looking past her, eyebrows climbing to his hairline. Chloe didn't need to turn around to know what he was staring at.

"Don't say it."

"Your roommate's?"

"Mhmm."

An expression she couldn't interpret flitted across Dan's face. "Figured," he murmured, then cleared his throat. "Let me know if you want to arrest her for harassment."

"I'm good, thanks," she replied. 

"Right." He ran his gaze over her. "You okay?"

Her throat closed up, so she nodded instead of speaking. Dan clearly didn't buy it, but he didn't call her on it either.

"Well, let me know if you need anything."

She shot him a small, grateful smile and was sure that it looked exactly as tremulous as Linda's had just a few days ago.

He half heartedly pointed behind himself. "So I gotta--"

"Mhm."

"--run."

"Right." Her voice only cracked a little, and Dan pressed his lips together and then looked past her again. 

"I thought Lucifer was here?"

"He has an errand, but he'll be back in a bit."

"Okay," Dan said, everything about him screaming that he didn't want to leave her right now and Chloe was torn between feeling a bit of the love that had once made her vow to spend the rest of his life with him and resenting it a little. She could deal. She _could_.

"You need to get to work," she said, and he sighed.

They said goodbye, then Dan turned on his heel and left at a fairly decent trot. Chloe closed the door, glad that this conversation was over at least. It probably wouldn't have been as awkward if she weren't still feeling like an alien trying to interact with humanity. Not that the swing didn't make things awkward all by its smug, little self.

Lucifer arrived not too long after she'd started preparing breakfast. Unconsciously, she'd found herself reaching for the Hawaiian bread, which had made Trixie's eyes light up and then there really was no choice except to go ahead. 

"Oh, brekkie! Lovely. I haven't eaten yet."

"You'll have to wait a bit," she said, putting the first finished sandwich on a plate and handing it to Trixie. 

Lucifer snatched the sandwich and bit into it.

_Seriously?_

He swallowed. "What? Why should the child go first? I'm far bigger and hungrier."

Before Chloe could even begin to tackle that, Trixie piped up. "It's okay, mommy. He must have really wanted it."

Chloe almost groaned. If only Trixie remembered what her mother said half as well as what Lucifer -- and Maze -- were saying.

Lucifer was wrinkling his nose. "Is she always so… her?" 

"Who else would she be?" she said, finally handing Trixie her own breakfast. A quick glance at the clock revealed that Chloe still had enough time to fix herself something to eat as well, though she'd have to scarf it down.

No, she decided. She'd come back after dropping Trixie off and enjoy a leisurely breakfast. She'd taken the day off. She was going to, well, maybe not enjoy it, but at least not put herself under more stress than she needed to.

"Are you still sad, Lucifer?" Trixie asked through a mouthful of sandwich. Lucifer visibly startled, before shoving what was left of his sandwich into his mouth in lieu of answering. Chloe started packing away the bread while keeping all of her senses trained on her partner and her daughter.

Trixie wasn't deterred by his diversionary tactic; she kept looking at him, the small frown on her face growing the longer he put off replying. Chloe was just about to intervene when he finally swallowed, looking for all the world as if he'd rather be anywhere else, and said, "I'm better than I was. Thank you."

Translation: Yes, he was still upset -- no shit, Sherlock -- and trying not to let on to Trixie, at least. Maybe not to Chloe either.

While Chloe wasn't fooled at all, Trixie brightened some, though Chloe could tell that she wasn't one hundred percent convinced either. She'd better head her daughter off before she could start grilling him. "You need to get ready for school, monkey." Her hands were greasy, and she'd shed her shoes at some point. Chloe could see one of them lying under the couch and she'd point Trixie in the right direction if need be, but for the moment she needed to make sure Trixie was too busy to give Lucifer the third degree.

Could the devil get an aneurysma?

Trixie sighed, but obediently popped the last bite into her mouth and left to wash her hands.

Now that her daughter wasn't near, Chloe allowed her shoulders to slump, and she let out a quiet sigh. Why did behaving as she normally would have to feel like such a strain today?

Lucifer was watching her. When he noticed her noticing, he… began to lick his fingers clean.

"We have soap," Chloe said. She was… not in the mood. "And clean water."

"That sandwich was too yummy to wash the last bit of taste down the drain." That was high praise coming from someone whose cooking skills were far above her own. Yesterday's dinner had been delicious and she wished she had been in a better frame of mind to appreciate it.

"My dad used to make them for me when I was little."

"I see."

Lucifer had been really attentive the whole rest of the evening too. He would have tucked her into bed as well if she hadn't felt too embarrassed by herself to let him.

And not one word about sleeping with her. He'd even offered to take the couch, which was the point where she'd just grabbed hold of his arm and tugged him towards her bed for what was possibly the most platonic bed-sharing he'd ever engaged in and very possibly involved a lot more cuddling than she was willing to confess to in the light of day.

"Detective." He was standing in front of her. Must have moved while she was woolgathering.

"I don't care much for my dad," Lucifer said, and considering the mess that was his past, she could sympathize. "But, you clearly care about yours. Which is why you followed in his footsteps, I suppose."

Chloe shrugged. There had been more than one reason for her to join the force, but she didn't really feel like going into them all.

He cleared his throat. "Ah. So, what I'm trying to say is... I think he would be proud of you."

Chloe blinked. That hadn't been what she'd expected him to say. Mind, she hadn't known where he was going with it. Still.

The meaning of what he'd said suddenly hit her. She felt her face slacken in surprise and tears beginning to gather in her eyes. Of course, Lucifer entirely misunderstand the way she started to tear up.

"My apologies, Detective! I didn't mean to hurt you."

"No, no, it's--" She couldn't continue. She bit her lip, hard, and widened her eyes, so she wouldn't start bawling for real. 

"Then why are you crying?" he asked, bewildered, and damn him. How could he say something so nice and _not understand_.

"Just... Oh, just shut up." Chloe closed the distance and hugged him, and it was so different to the hug she'd tried to give him last week. Yes, he'd frozen then, too, but this time he didn't stay stiff as a plank, didn't push her away. He hugged her back. And Chloe felt, a little, as she had when she was small and her dad could still convince her that everything was right with the world, even though it had never been. She felt safe, and loved, and as if the whole world were laid at her feet.

The bathroom door opening had her pulling back, and Lucifer let her go, his hand sliding along her arm. Chloe quickly turned her back to the common area and discreetly wiped at her eyes.

"Have you seen my shoe, mom?" Trixie half shouted at her even though she was only a couple of yards away.

"Under the couch, monkey," Chloe replied, glad that her voice didn't crack this time.

"Oh!"

While Trixie was busy fishing for her shoe, Chloe shot Lucifer an, admittedly, watery smile before turning to go put on her own shoes. Lucifer shadowed her, brows drawing together when he saw what she was doing.

"Have you eaten at all, Detective?"

She shook her head. "I will after I've taken Trixie to school."

His frown deepened. "You should eat now," he said. "I can take the child to school."

"There's no need," she told him as Trixie triumphantly held up her shoe.

"Consider it a bit of a quid pro quo." He held his hands out, palms up. "Tasty sandwich," he said, raising his right hand, "Chauffeuring service." And the left. "Besides, I fully expect there to be more of the same since I'm a big devil with a really big appetite." He waggled his eyebrows.

Her lips twitched. "Are you honestly telling me to make you a sandwich?"

"I would never," he protested, putting his hand on his heart. "But why don't we ask Beatrice what she'd prefer?"

"I want Lucifer to drive!" Trixie shouted immediately. Lucifer shot Chloe a smug grin, and she sighed. She knew when she was beaten. And truthfully, she actually didn't feel like braving LA traffic.

"Don't drive like a maniac," she told him, poking him in the chest with her index finger.

"I'll deliver her safe and sound, promise." And he always kept his word.

Chloe sighed again. "Fine then."

\--

Chloe hadn't really felt like going out the following Sunday and entertaining guests wasn't on her to-do list either, but Linda had shown up out of the blue -- invited by Maze -- and she couldn't just send her away. Almost two hours later, all three of them had squeezed themselves onto the couch, pizza had been ordered, delivered, and consumed, Linda's gift of a bottle of wine had been emptied, and _9 to 5_ was on the screen, as per Linda's suggestion.

Maze was delighted and kept offering up ideas of what else the three women could do to their boss until she noticed Linda visibly twitching. The therapist was still a little jittery and had decided to sit next to Chloe for their girls' evening in. Maze had chosen to park herself on Chloe's other side.

The credits had just started to roll when Maze suddenly whipped out her phone to check her messages. "Gotta go," she said, jumping up and almost running out their apartment, slamming the door in her haste to get away.

"Bye, Maze," Chloe said to the door.

Linda coughed.

The credits continued to roll, and an awkward silence descended. Usually, Chloe suffered silence well, preferred it actually, but she had an idea why Maze had raced out of here as if the apartment were on fire -- or a demon were on her heels -- and she very much wanted to avoid an impromptu therapy session.

Chloe grasped for something to talk about that wasn't work, Lucifer, or the weather. "So, that was a fun movie." 

"I thought that it might be something both of you could enjoy," Linda said. And _there_ was something they could talk about.

"I'm glad that you and Maze... that you're giving her another chance."

"She invited me for drinks, and we talked," Linda explained, folding her hands. 

"That's good," Chloe said. Making conversation should really be easier than this, awkwardness or no. Well, maybe she should just bite the bullet and ask outright and then politely decline. "This is another set-up, isn't it?" 

Linda sighed and ducked her head. "She's worried."

"I'm fine."

The therapist was silent.

"Really. It was just a one time thing."

"Mm. Look, we can call Maze, tell her to come back and we'll spend the rest of the evening watching re-runs of _Friends_." Chloe snorted. "Or, you can talk to me, and I'll listen."

"Shouldn't you be charging for that?" she tried to joke, shifting away a little to give Linda and herself some room.

"Probably," Linda said with a twitch of her lips. "You don't need to worry. We're friends. I mean, if you want to, you know, set up regular sessions, which actually I shouldn't offer precisely because we're friends, but this situation is kind of… unique. But if you do--"

"I don't," Chloe said, shaking her head.

"If you did -- and you can change your mind about that any time -- it would be something different, but today. Friends." Linda let a long breath. "Besides, I owe you."

"You don't owe me anything," Chloe replied, a flash of guilt making her bite her lip and lower her eyes to her glass. Yes, she'd been worried over Linda, but that hadn't been her sole reason for showing up at the woman's apartment. 

Honesty, Chloe reminded herself. She'd been ignoring more and more of her personal values recently. "There was another reason why I came to you."

"Oh?" Linda asked.

How to tell her, without making her feel like Chloe was trying to guilt trip her into taking Lucifer back as a patient?

"That night, after your last session, he showed up at my apartment." No, this was the wrong place to start. "Before he came to you, he'd stood in front of a shooter and goaded the man to kill him." She could still see it. The images, his words, it had been burnt into her brain.

She could hear Linda breathing. It was a little uneven. "You were witness to that," she said.

Chloe nodded. "Yeah, but that's not what. That's not really what's bothering me. I mean. It is. Because I don't know how to help him." Dammit, she didn't want to be talking about her feelings. "He came to me later that night. At around two. He said that he'd just walked off a building." There was a thread loose in her shirt sleeve. She started picking on it. "He asked me to hurt him, and I was afraid that if I didn't, he'd do himself serious harm. He said he'd been hurt in the fall and that it's healed now, but I don't really understand _how_ he can be injured. I mean, he says I make him vulnerable, but when I'm not there, you know." Fuck, she was babbling. But she'd at least managed to tell Linda what was wrong with Lucifer.

"Oh," Linda was saying, drawing out the syllable. "Oh, I see. I thought he'd meant something else, but he meant it literally."

"What?" She looked up.

"You make him vulnerable." Linda said, looking like she just had an epiphany and didn't know what to do with it.

"Yeah." 

" _Literally._ "

Ah, yeah. That. 

Chloe nodded.

"How does that even work?"

"I don't know." She shrugged.

"Huh." Linda was silent for a while, looking far away. She still wasn't okay, it was clear as daylight. Chloe shouldn't be burdening her with more things. 

"Are you human?" Linda suddenly asked.

"Yes," Chloe said. As far as she was aware anyway. And what else would she be? An angel? Hardly. A demon? She was sure she'd remember if she were 'forged in the bowels of hell'.

Linda hummed. "How did you feel when you hurt him?"

Used. Guilty. The latter winning out because ultimately she shouldn't have done it. He hadn't deserved it, despite what he'd thought.

"I--" Chloe stopped and pursed her lips. Linda was giving her a neutral, I-will-listen-to-your-problems face. "You're good," Chloe finally said, slowly shaking her head.

"Thank you."

"You almost got me."

"It's not about 'getting you'. I just want to help. It's why I chose this profession in the first place."

"Yeah," Chloe said because she understood. Yes, she'd followed in her father's footsteps because she admired him, she might have even done it a little out of a sense of guilt and a little because she knew her mother wouldn't be happy about it. But more than that, she'd done it because she genuinely liked helping people.

And lately, she'd felt like she'd lost sight of that. Like she wasn't being a good cop, that she'd been letting her dad down. And Lucifer, without knowing, had put his finger right in the wound when he'd said that her dad would have been proud of her.

She glanced at Linda. Maybe there was something she could… talk about. Something that wouldn't end up being a burden on Linda any more than the problems of her actual patients were. Chloe didn't want, or need, therapy, but a friend who would listen… that was something else. 

"I became a cop partly because of my dad," Chloe said, drawing her knees up to her chest. "I mean, I don't think I'd have followed in his footsteps if he had been a, I don't know, circus artist. I admire him for his ethics, his sense of justice. His will and readiness to help people. I didn't really appreciate it as much when he was… when he was still alive, and when he was killed…" Chloe trailed off. She was picking at the thread in her sleeve again, she noticed. She stopped herself. "Back then, at Fields' trial, the verdict, I'd thought justice had been served. It didn't bring my dad back, but at least the man who'd done it could never, ever do something like that again."

"But Mr. Fields turned out to be innocent." And Chloe had wanted to kill him, had pictured it.

She swallowed. "Yeah. Smith's been free these last sixteen years. He's been ruining lives, killing people, making a mockery out of the justice system." Chloe stopped. This _wasn't_ what she'd wanted to talk about. 

"It must have been difficult to learn this," Linda prompted.

Chloe nodded, her head barely moving. This wasn't what she'd wanted to talk about, but.  
"Does patient confidentiality apply?" she whispered, because Linda as her friend would need to relay this information if asked, but Linda as a therapist wouldn't.

It wasn't a therapy session if she didn't think that it was, right?

Oh, who was she kidding.

"Of course," Linda said.

Chloe inhaled shakily. "I wanted to kill him," she confessed. "When Maze brought him. I thought about. I had my finger on the trigger. It would have felt so good right then."

"But?"

"It wouldn't have been right. And I almost didn't care enough about that to stop myself. And I feel so ashamed, Linda. I just keep asking myself: What would my dad think?"

Linda was quiet for a moment. "You're a homicide detective," she said at last. "You must have run into people who've lost someone and who felt the... the urge to take revenge on the killer."

"Sure," Chloe said. "Quite a lot of them."

"Did you blame them for feeling that way?"

"No."

"And do you think, if they'd been given a weapon and they stood in front of that killer, wouldn't they have _thought_ about doing it?"

"It's different."

"Why?"

"I'm a cop. I'm supposed to be impartial."

"You're a grieving daughter," Linda said. "There's a reason why a surgeon should never operate on their relatives or a therapist treat theirs. Or a cop investigate the murder of their own father."

Yeah, she shouldn't even have been involved in the investigation in the first place.

"Chloe, you just told me you're human. And _this_ is human. You're not a robot. You have feelings. And there is a difference between having feelings or desires and _acting on them_."

She was close to tears again. Dammit. Chloe tried to speak, but just ended up shaking her head. She could see the point of what Linda was saying, but she just didn't feel it.

"It sometimes helps to imagine that these things you're telling yourself are things that you're saying to a friend in the same situation and perhaps to consider what else you might tell them."

Chloe closed her eyes and sniffed a little. Tried to imagine telling Dan what she was telling herself and immediately shied away from the thought. It was… well, harsh.

She did hold herself to a different -- higher -- standard of behavior and was, apparently, less kind to herself than her ex. 

"Now," Linda said, her voice low as if she were trying not to spook Chloe. "You didn't answer my question earlier."

What--? Oh right. 

"The thing with Lucifer."

"Mhm." Chloe chanced a look at her and Linda was looking, well, not expectant, but like she definitely wouldn't be distracted.

It really did seem that Lucifer had picked a great therapist.

"You know," Chloe tried, "it's great that he picked a therapist who doesn't let him get away with things."

"You're deflecting," Linda said.

"Yep," Chloe replied on the inhale, nodding a few times. 

"Why?"

_Because you're still not okay,_ Chloe thought, but that wasn't the reason, not all of it or even most. Still.

"I don't want to pile more on you."

"I'm asking, though. And it is my decision."

_"I'm a big boy who can make his own decisions. Stop beating yourself up, Detective."_

"That's what he said," Chloe mumbled, feeling a sudden sense of irony when she remembered trying to make him promise to work on his sense of guilt with Linda.

"So, why do you disagree?"

"Because… because he was emotionally compromised."

"And you weren't." 

"No."

"Despite the fact that your… friend, partner, had tried to commit suicide and made you a witness to that."

"Mhm," Chloe hummed, biting her lip. "I was angry," she admitted. "I… I wanted to hurt him for that. For using me." She swallowed, whispered the next words. "And then he started calling himself a monster, and he's not, Linda." She caught the woman's gaze, trying to convince her like she tried to convince him. He's _not_. I shouldn't have done what I did, shouldn't have... the things he thinks of himself, they're _not true, Linda_."

Linda was staring at her. Then she raised her eyes to the ceiling for a moment and cleared her throat. "Maybe you should tell him that."

"I did," Chloe mumbled. 

"And how did he react?"

Chloe sighed. "Told me not to blame myself. That he could make his own decisions."

"Ah," Linda said. "And you told him about the part where your own motivations were different than what he might have thought, too?"

Well, no. She hadn't done that, and that was probably a conversation they should have. She admitted as much to Linda. It was the logical next step and something Chloe should have realized on her own. Hell, if everything hadn't just been piling up, she probably would have. "There's really been too much going on," she murmured, more to herself than Linda.

"Are there any things that someone else might take care of?" Linda asked, and Chloe blinked in surprise.

"I can handle everything, usually," she said. "It's just, right now, it's all a bit much."

"I know. But why not ask for help right now? Just until things have calmed down. You have friends, Chloe."

"You mean, like, ask Maze to do the grocery shopping?" Chloe laughed. They'd likely end up with boxes of vodka, candy, and maybe _Demon Ichor_ hot sauce.

"Well, perhaps not Maze and groceries, but I'm sure she'd help if it's something she can do."

"Right," Chloe said, a bit sarcastically, then stopped because she was being unfair. Maze had caught Smith. And she'd also proven to be a decent, if unconventional, babysitter on Halloween, except for the whole decaying face reveal thing. Her demon roommate was trying, really.

Chloe frowned. And so was Lucifer, when he'd offered to take Trixie to school. And he'd made her dinner, which she hadn't really eaten much of in the end. After her coworkers had left, Smith in tow, Chloe had honestly tried to eat, in part because she hadn't had dinner yet and by all accounts she should have been starving, but mostly just to stop Lucifer from fretting and looking at her as if she was going to come apart at the seams. At some point, after she could no longer find it in herself to choke down the food he'd made -- and she honestly couldn't even remember what it was -- she'd ended up on the couch, lying in his lap, while Maze had made herself scarce. Honestly, they'd both been helping her out already in their own way. Like her own personal version of Beetlejuice. 

Maybe she could ask them for a bit of help, Chloe thought. Dan had already offered and she'd accepted. And Linda had, as well, and… "Thank you," Chloe said, and Linda nodded.

"You're welcome."

She wasn't going to take advantage of them, Chloe resolved. She'd just ask for a little help, just until she felt less like she was being shaken around by an earthquake that only she could feel. 

"So," Chloe said. " _Friends_ reruns?"

"Isn't that like a staple of your generation?"

"I've seen _some_ episodes," Chloe said, then snorted. "I wonder what Maze would make of it."

Linda laughed slightly. "We'll have to see some other time, get Ella to come, too. It's getting a bit late for a proper binge watch."

Chloe checked the time and found that she was right. If they didn't want to wake up as zombies, they wouldn't be able to watch much more than two, maybe three, episodes at best. And Linda still had to get home afterwards.

Linda fished out her phone. "I'll let Maze know she can come back if that's okay with you."

"Sure," Chloe said, turning and stretching out her legs. She grabbed the empty pizza boxes and stood up to trash them while Linda finished her text to Maze. The bottle of Demon Ichor struck her eye again, its top just barely sticking out among the rest of the waste.

She had friends, Chloe thought with a slight smile, and some of them might be unconventional and slightly scary, but all of them were good friends.


End file.
